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Terrible Roadski Accident

A secretary was increasing her employer’s productivity, when a freak accident took place. The employer was receiving an oral demonstration from his employee when a van that was in the process of backing up hit the couple in their parked car. The impact of the crash caused the 30 year old woman to bite off the man’s penis.

The accident occurred in a Singapore park, where the couple would meet after work. Even better, the woman’s husband had hired an private investigator to keeps tabs on her. The investigator actually called the ambulance after hearing the woman scream and noticed that her face was covered in blood.

He told local media reporters, “On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently. After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood.”

Television Characters Freak Out

Police were called to the Welcome Holiday Park in Dawlish, Devon after a massive fight broke out during a fancy dress party. Ten people were held after the clash occurred in the main club. An Oompa-Loompa, Spiderman, and Tinky Winky were kept in police cells over night. The police questioned the 3 on suspicion of violent disorder.

A staff member told the press, “It was rather comical in some ways because of the fancy dress costumes people were wearing. You don’t expect to see Teletubbie Tinky Winky and Spiderman in the middle of things like this.”

He Fought The Law – FAIL

Welcome to Naples, Florida, where Graham Brunson, 21, was asked to leave a local bar and took things a little too far. Brunson thought that the best way to get back was to whip his penis out and pee right there at the bar. Unfortunately for Brunson, his brain stopped working when he decided to run from the police.

Police say that Brunson was causing a disturbance, yelling obscenities, and disturbing customers at the bar. Security asked him to leave, that’s when his revenge plan went into effect.

Four police officers found Brunson hiding in bushed about a quarter mile from the bar. He tried to run again, but was tackled by Office Ian Rudnick. Brunson attempted to fight the officer, but Brunson’s mugshot shows who really won the struggle.

After police were able to get Brunson into handcuffs he went limp and had to be carried int

o the squad car. While on the way to the hospital, Brunson was still resistant enough to spit blood on the EMT. Brunson was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer with violence, and disorderly intoxication.

Links

Roadski No No
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Criminal Bash

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Friday starts out with bad news for the makers of the Lidocaine topical spray. Turns out the spray was intended to help slow down orgasms, but it has one really bad side effect. The spray ends up giving a rash on the men’s penis and women get a burning sensation inside the vagina. They should turn the spray from a sex aide to a sex prevention tool.

She Can’t Run From Her DUI

A young couple was out for a night of drinking, thought that they could drive home and outsmart the police. A 22 year old Auckland woman was arrested for making a false complaint and attempting to drive with excess breath alcohol.

According to North Shore commander inspector Les Paterson said that the couple told them they were going to walk to a taxi stand after being told by police not to drive home. Instead they dialed 111 and reported a false incident of masked men with guns robbing a service station. The pair denied making the call, so the police communication center redialed the number that called the 111. The phone that the woman was holding started to ring, much to her embarrassment.

“They had the brief pleasure of watching a bunch of police cars whiz past, they then jumped in their car intending to drive off in the opposite direction but a police officer took a detour on a ‘hunch’ and located them.”

Teacher Earns a DUI

Welcome to Newburyport, MA,  where a driving instructor was intoxicated while giving someone a driving lesson.  The instructor will get to stay out of jail, but gets to lose his license for a year. He was also put on probation for the next 18 months.

Daniel Winsky, 53, of Salem was convicted Thursday of operating under the influence, while he was in the passenger seat of the car giving a lesson to a student.  He was not behind the wheel of the vehicle during the December 2007 incident, but was in control of the brakes of the specially designed vehicle.

Police pulled over Winsky, after a convience store clerk called the police. The clerk apperantly smelled alcohol on his breathe and watched him climb into the auto schools car.

Oops: 2 Dead by Gun Shots at Anti-Gun Rally

We travel across the pond to London, England. Shakah Anderson, 28, is accused of shooting 2 men during an anti-gun rally at the Tudor Rose night club. The murders happened back in December 2002 and one of the victims Mohamed Korneh had been for a shooting in the same area early. The other victim was Selorn Gbesenete, 21, was attending Unarmed 2, an event dedicated to stopping gun crime among young black people.

Anderson, Korneh, and Anderson’s accomplice were all carrying firearms according to the police. Anderson had been shot earlier in 2002 and Wayne Freckleton (Anderson’s alleged accomplice) was killed in a shooting after the anti-gun rally. Anderson, of course denies the murders.

Hot Tub Filter Doesn’t Removed Naked Man

Tony Punelli of Des Moines, IA, found a surprise in his hot tub early Friday morning. Police were called to remove a naked and unresponsive man from his hot tub just after 7 a.m. in Southeast Thornton.

Police extracted Ryan Hutton, 24, from Indianola from the jacuzzi. They confirmed that the man was intoxicated, but doing fine. Hutton told police that he had been drinking in West Des Moines and had no idea how he got into the hot tub, but thought he was in a known location. Hutton was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing.

“Pretty hard way to wake up – some stranger in your hot tub. I don’t know how he got in here. It’s pretty hard to get over that fence without a ladder. I thought I was dreaming, but I’m happy the man didn’t drown”, said Punelli.

Links
Bomb Threat fail

Teachers Report Card…DUI

Murder at Anti-Gun Rally

Naked Hot Tub

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Louisiana was trying to help another company keep open the old Pilgrim Pride chicken processing plant. P.E.T.A. opted for a different solution. They tried to get the state to open a “Chicken Empathy Museum.” They wanted the museum to include a playground for kids, that would include cage-like  playscapes.

“I guess the whole thing would be a chicken wing, right?” said Ashley Byrne, campaign coordinator for PETA. “Actually, we did plan to serve faux chickens, vegetarian chickens made from healthy plant protein in the museum restaurant, along with an array of other tasty vegetarian food. As a gift from PETA, part of our proposal was that each visitor 12 years old and younger would have a plush chicken toy with a tag reading, ‘I am not a nugget,’ ” Ashley said.

60 Ft. Do It Yourself Dong

Andy and Clare McInnes thought that April Fools came early when a news company contacted them about a phallic design that graced their newly finished roof. They were delighted that the building crew had just finished with the flat roof on their £1million house.

Their son Rory, 18, decided that he would make his house stand out after watching a documentary on Google Earth. For over the next year only Rory knew of the stand out design, until a helicopter pilot spotted it and hovered over the house so passengers could take photos of it.

Andy said, “It’s an April Fool’s joke, right? There’s no way there’s a 60ft phallus on top of my house.”

When Andy pressed on the kids trying to figure out which made the design, Rory was in Brazil as part of a gap years travel, he could be heard saying, “Oh, you’ve found it then!” (laughing the entire time).

Skateboard Ramp + Dispute = Fire

Welcome to Orange City, Florida. Lewis Smith, 45, repeatedly asked neighborhood man to remove a skateboard ramp from the road near his home. Lewis, neighbors, and the man that build the ramps were found by Orange City Deputies arguing over the ramps.

Sheriff’s spokesman Gary Davidson said that Lewis was arrested and charged with criminal mischief on Sunday, because Lewis decided that the best way to resolve the ramp issue was to set them on fire. He was released from the Volusia County Branch Jail on his own recognizance.

Paying taxes on sex?

Meet Democratic Senator Bob Coffin from Las Vegas. He has proposed to have a new tax added onto prostitution. He states that the new tax would raise around $2 million a year for the state.

He wants the patrons of both legal and illegal prostitutes to pay an extra $5 per sessionunder the new bill he created. A lobbyist for the state’s legal brothels volunteered to be taxed, in an effort to guarantee their survival.

“I think we will support it,” George Flint, a spokesman for the state’s brothel industry, said of Coffin’s bill. In rural counties of Nevada there are eight major brothels and 17 smaller houses of prostitution, said Flint.

When Coffin was asked about how the state would collect the tax from the independent street walkers, he replied that when the business tax was first implemented, it wasn’t collected from all those required to pay it.

Popularity: 50% [?]