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Duck…It’s Jizz

Welcome to California, the home of Disneyland, Knottsberry Farm, and L.A. Erotica Adult Expo. It’s about time that 3d starts to go main stream and typically porn has that effect on technology.

Pure Play Media was pushing Tommy Gunn’s Cummin’ At You Interactive 3D at AEE, but then went silent. Technology seemed to be the hold up on the March release date.

Rich Arnold, CEO of Pure Play said in a press release, “We want to present the film in the best way possible and know that viewing resolution and the overall experience is key, so we’ve kept in time with the release of coordinating technology for this masterpiece. This film utilizes the latest in stereoscopic technology making it possible to photograph first-person point-of-view in 3D. Recent developments in consumer electronics will allow the next generation of TVs to have three-dimensional technology built into them so that the viewer does not have to alter their personal style by wearing 3D glasses. The DVD will be encoded to work with these high-end 3D home theatre systems, but it will also work with a standard TV, projection, LCD or Plasma screens with the included 3D glasses.”

If the movie sells well, it will spawn more companies to take the risk. 3D advancement will help the POV series and could break off a “choose your own adventure” style that Pure Play has started to make.

Old And Racist…Just A Little.

Meet Marion Mayor Robert Butler, who decided to speak before thinking on Gitmo detainees. He said that the town’s medium security prison could be retrofitted to host the unwanted prisoners.

A local news station asked the mayor if he was worried if the prisoners escaped from jail or started living in city and the mayor didn’t disappoint.

He went ahead and said, “I cannot imagine that they would care to stay here. We don’t have any camels and there isn’t any sand. So, I’m sure that if they were released they wouldn’t be coming here to this community. They’d be going some place else.”

Luckily no one from his staff stopped him and he continued with, “We’ve got our American thugs there. Let’s put the terrorist thugs there. Our American thugs are going to take care of them and so we go from there.”

I Called Shotgun First!

The ice cold mountains in Golden, Colorado is home to the Coors Brewing Company. They announced an innovative design change to their Coors Light cans that will make it easier for “shot gunning.”

With a tighter economy and gaggles of high school and college parties, this new design is to grab extra sales. It will also save many “party fouls,” from occurring on a regular basis as wasted beer gets sprayed on the partier puncturing the beer can.

Coors Brewing Company CEO Peter Swinburn said, “While our current wide-mouth vented can does allow the beer leave the can more quickly and create a smooth, refreshing pour, it doesn’t seem to satisfy the customer that prefers to have the beer shot down his throat. That’s why we’ve created this new can. When used in cooperation with the traditional tab located at the top of the can, the shotgunnable can will completely empty its contents in a matter of seconds.”

Cheerleader Bandit

Our final stop on this go round is in Marietta, Georgia. Meet Chelsea Steele, 17, a cheerleader from Sprayberry High School.

Steele, was arrested last Friday for stealing $187 from a wheelchair bound boy who was selling T-Shirts for a charity. Jospeh Green was selling t-shirts and hats for a charity at a community pool house.

Steele was on the Sprayberry Varsity cheer leading squad, but many signs of her are disappearing from the school’s site. She now faces felony robbery and underage alcohol possession. Cobb County Sheriff’s office is looking into potential accomplices, since she was seen leaving the area with a friend in a Ford Taurus.

Links
3D Porn
Mayor’s Should Think
Frats Rejoice
She Cheers You Up And Cleans You Out

Popularity: unranked [?]

Welcome to Provincetown, Louisiana. I know you are wondering why we stopped in this little city of the United States. Well thanks to Wonder-Tard Christopher McEnaney, 18, decided to top all the list of people arrested in the districts 14 arrest night.

McEnaney decided that it was a smart idea to punch Fred with cops nearby. Actually, Fred is the horse that a police officer was riding at the time when McEnaney struck it in Fred’s flank. The horse not surprisingly wasn’t injured and wonder-tard was arrested.

McEnaney was charged with assault on a police horse and resisting arrest. McEnaney is scheduled to be arraigned in Orleans District Court tomorrow.

Shut Her Up With A Slice of Pizza

As the stories from Iowa trickle across the news wires, we decided to go back there again after yesterday’s bare assed story.

Des Moines, Iowa the scene which is now the home of probably the first case of assault with Digiorno. The perpitard Ron Reliford, 36, was upset with Deneen Kilby, 42, then decided to act on that aggression. When police arrived on the scene Reliford was sitting in a car outside of their apartment.

Kilby had redness around her neck and carpet burn on one knee according to police. She managed to escape the attack and called the police from apartment managers phone.

Reliford then told police, “It only takes two minutes to choke a bitch.”
He dug his hole deeper, when police revealed, “Reliford said he used some pizza to smash into her face.”

He is being held without bond in the Polk County Jail and was charged with domestic assault causing injury.

Stick It In Your Tail Pipe!

Welcome to the great state of Indiana, where a Lawrence Township school board member has been terminated as a reserve police officer.

Meet Adam Goldstein, 39, an unpaid officer in training with the Fortville reserve police officer was driving in a squad car, wearing his full dress uniform, and drunk at the time. He was charged with public intoxication at the Geist Marina on Sunday morning, which was later changed to drunk driving.

Goldstein and the Mrs. Goldstein were out boating at a local reservoir and was cited by the Indiana Department of Natural Resources for failing to have working navigational lights. Apparently, Judge Dread (Goldstein) decided to go home, put on his uniform and gun, then drive to the Fortville Police station to pick up a squad car. Amazingly no one was at the station at this time.

Goldstein then proceeds to drive back to the marina and confront the officer who gave him a citation. Of course Goldstein got out of hand and was arrested, but Goldstein failed a breathalyzer so he was charged with drunk driving.

Links:
Mr. Ed’s Pissed!
Return To Iowa
Well F You Buddy!

Popularity: unranked [?]

NATO Versus the Pirates

We start our journey Nairobi, Kenya, where NATO forces rescued 20 fishermen on Saturday. Those pesky pirates launched an attack in the Gulf of Aden, were let go because the NATO forces had no authority to arrest them.

Within the recent weeks the number of pirate attacks has increased four times the amount from back in 2003.They have attacked at least 80 boats this year and now hold 18 ships and their respective crews hostage.

The release displays the difficulties of stopping the piracy scourge off the Horn of Africa. There were 2 attacks that were reported on Saturday. The first was in the morning, where pirates hijacked a Belgian-flagged ship and piloted the ship slowly towards Somalia. The second attack came later on Saturday evening, when pirates fired upon a Marshall Island flagged tanker. The Handytankers Magic, was able to get away from the pirates using, “Speed and Maneuver.”

A Dutch frigate from the NATO force trailed the pirates to a Yemeni ship that the pirates were using as a home base. This ship would allow the pirates to extend their range of attacks. Still, the Dutch commandos were to free 20 fishermen and recover 7 automatic weapons and 1 rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

Roger Middleton, a piracy expert at a London based Chatham House said, “NATO sees its main role as deterring and disrupting pirate activity” — not prosecuting brigands. Pirates plucked from the sea by foreign militaries are being tried abroad. French soldiers take pirates who have attacked French citizens to Paris; pirates who have attacked other nations are hauled to Kenya, such as the 11 seized Wednesday when the French navy found them stalking a Lebanese-owned ship. India took 24 suspects to Yemen, since half were from there. The Dutch took five suspects to Rotterdam, where they probably will be tried next month under a 17th-century law against “sea robbery.”

“When you weigh up the benefits — the huge money they can make — against the risks, the benefits are still worth it,” Middleton said. “Piracy has definitely pushed Somalia up the agenda to a place where it probably should have been 12 or 15 years ago. People are beginning to see the consequences of letting the country get into such a mess.”

Naked Kentucky Man Wielding Toilet Seat

Our next stop is Tucson, Arizona, where police say that Gary A. Decker,50, died several hours after officers had to use a Taser stun gun to subdue him. Decker, a resident of Kansas was staying in a downtown Tucson hotel, where police were called early Thursday morning because the staff heard loud banging and music coming from the room.

Sgt. Mark Robinson said that they had to use a pass key to get inside the room after Decker refused to open the door. Once inside they found the room ransacked, furniture broken, and Decker naked wielding the toilet seat he ripped off the toilet. They attempted to tase Decker, but it had no apparent affect. They eventually wrestled the man to the ground and placed him under arrest. Decker was originally in Tucson working as a temporary furniture liquidator.

Dramatic Rescue…For 7 Cows

Going across the pond to Burnham, England, 20 firefighters had complications attempting to save seven cows from a muddy English estuary. The rescue involved twenty firefighters and two hovercrafts on April 19th.

Investigators say that they believe the animals stampeded in the River Parrett in Somerset. The stampede may have been caused by possible gun fire. By the time the firefighters arrived, some of the cows were buried up to their neck in mud.

Firefighters used ropes and tractors drag the animals to dry ground. A Burnham Area Rescue Boat spokesman said the hovercraft were there to provided safety for the firefighters and helped herd the cows out of the river.

“The cattle were returned to their very grateful owner,” the spokesman said. “Throughout the rescue the RSPCA were in attendance, and, as far as we know, the cattle were none the worse for their ordeal. We used ropes, mud mats, tractors and other equipment to help free the trapped animals.”

Extreme Extermination

We close out today at the University of Victoria, were for many years they have been battling a losing battle against feral rabbits. The rabbit issue has gotten so out of hand that it is now spreading off campus.

No one at the university is aware of when the first rabbit appeared, but now they estimate there are over 1500 calling the school home. Now the university is getting demands from nearby neighbors, presuring the school to cull the animals.

“The Rodenator,” according to its U.S. Manufacture says, “it delivers a precisely measured mixture of propane and oxygen into the tunnel or burrow of invasive pests. This mixture is then detonated by the operator, causing an instantaneous underground shock wave of concussive force that eliminates the pests and in some (species specific) cases collapses some of the existing tunnel structure thus preventing immediate reinfestation.”

This option is causing heated debates and not surprisingly, animal rights advocates are upset about the university considering this device. The university says that it plans to try non-lethal approaches first.

Links

NATO saves Fisherman

Toilet Seat Wielding Naked Man

7 Cows Saved

Bunnycide

Popularity: unranked [?]

Friday starts out with bad news for the makers of the Lidocaine topical spray. Turns out the spray was intended to help slow down orgasms, but it has one really bad side effect. The spray ends up giving a rash on the men’s penis and women get a burning sensation inside the vagina. They should turn the spray from a sex aide to a sex prevention tool.

She Can’t Run From Her DUI

A young couple was out for a night of drinking, thought that they could drive home and outsmart the police. A 22 year old Auckland woman was arrested for making a false complaint and attempting to drive with excess breath alcohol.

According to North Shore commander inspector Les Paterson said that the couple told them they were going to walk to a taxi stand after being told by police not to drive home. Instead they dialed 111 and reported a false incident of masked men with guns robbing a service station. The pair denied making the call, so the police communication center redialed the number that called the 111. The phone that the woman was holding started to ring, much to her embarrassment.

“They had the brief pleasure of watching a bunch of police cars whiz past, they then jumped in their car intending to drive off in the opposite direction but a police officer took a detour on a ‘hunch’ and located them.”

Teacher Earns a DUI

Welcome to Newburyport, MA,  where a driving instructor was intoxicated while giving someone a driving lesson.  The instructor will get to stay out of jail, but gets to lose his license for a year. He was also put on probation for the next 18 months.

Daniel Winsky, 53, of Salem was convicted Thursday of operating under the influence, while he was in the passenger seat of the car giving a lesson to a student.  He was not behind the wheel of the vehicle during the December 2007 incident, but was in control of the brakes of the specially designed vehicle.

Police pulled over Winsky, after a convience store clerk called the police. The clerk apperantly smelled alcohol on his breathe and watched him climb into the auto schools car.

Oops: 2 Dead by Gun Shots at Anti-Gun Rally

We travel across the pond to London, England. Shakah Anderson, 28, is accused of shooting 2 men during an anti-gun rally at the Tudor Rose night club. The murders happened back in December 2002 and one of the victims Mohamed Korneh had been for a shooting in the same area early. The other victim was Selorn Gbesenete, 21, was attending Unarmed 2, an event dedicated to stopping gun crime among young black people.

Anderson, Korneh, and Anderson’s accomplice were all carrying firearms according to the police. Anderson had been shot earlier in 2002 and Wayne Freckleton (Anderson’s alleged accomplice) was killed in a shooting after the anti-gun rally. Anderson, of course denies the murders.

Hot Tub Filter Doesn’t Removed Naked Man

Tony Punelli of Des Moines, IA, found a surprise in his hot tub early Friday morning. Police were called to remove a naked and unresponsive man from his hot tub just after 7 a.m. in Southeast Thornton.

Police extracted Ryan Hutton, 24, from Indianola from the jacuzzi. They confirmed that the man was intoxicated, but doing fine. Hutton told police that he had been drinking in West Des Moines and had no idea how he got into the hot tub, but thought he was in a known location. Hutton was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing.

“Pretty hard way to wake up – some stranger in your hot tub. I don’t know how he got in here. It’s pretty hard to get over that fence without a ladder. I thought I was dreaming, but I’m happy the man didn’t drown”, said Punelli.

Links
Bomb Threat fail

Teachers Report Card…DUI

Murder at Anti-Gun Rally

Naked Hot Tub

Popularity: unranked [?]

Ashley Biden’s ex boyfriend is trying to sell a tape of the current Vice President’s daughter snorting cocaine at a party. The New York Post’s lawyers have seen the video say that the video shows woman with light skin and long dark hair taking a straw and snorts a line of white powder. Apparently at one point in the video she talks about her dad.

Death to Casual Friday

Welcome to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. David Daley was placed on administrative leave back in January due to a taking casual Friday to an extreme. Dailey stripped down to nothing but his socks and walked into a coworkers office. He was seen earlier in the day with a sign that said “It’s Friday” and another sign that read, “Let’s get naked.”

Daniela Metz signed a waiver of prosecution, she states that she wasn’t looking to get anyone into more trouble. The police report shows that Dailey had gradually progressed in his passes at Metz. Back in mid January, Metz was looking at body waxes and Dailey saw it on her PC. Later in the day, he called her into his office, where he purportedly had pictures of naked women on his computer that had “waxed themselves.”

Throughout the next week, Dailey made more passes at Metz, which she ignored. Then casual Friday came along and Dailey called Metz’s office and told her “I will do it if you do it..” in which she replied “Go Ahead.” It was after the 6 times she told him to go away that he decided to show back up stripped down to his socks. When city officials found out about the incident, Dailey was put on administrative leave, only to resign on Feb 2nd.

Wife’s Affair with a PlayStation

Carol Cannom, 46, was stabbed to death by her partner of 30 years. Malcolm Palmer, 62, was kicked out of his own bedroom due to his wife’s obsession with a PlayStation unit and a copy of Grand Theft Auto.

They originally bought the PlayStation for their son, but Cannom was quickly addicted to playing the game throughout the night. Prior to the attack, Cannom told Palmer to start looking for a new home and threatened him that he would never see his kids again. Palmer was convinced that she was having an affair and attacked her with two knives.

Their 10 year old son contacted emergency services, where operators were able to hear the struggle in the background. Soon after Palmer picked up the phone to say, “I’m sorry. I think I’ve killed her.”

Wrong Way to Teach a Child

Sandra Kaye Ingraham, 60 and her daughter Kelly Sandra Ingraham, 28 of Kelmscott pleaded guilt to assault on a four year old boy. Both child care workers told the boy that they would, “chop off his willy” and allegedly held a knife to the child.

They state that they were trying to “shock” the boy so that he’d stop exposing himself at the daycare center in Perth. The mother and daughter had threatened him on three different occasions.

“Each assault was constituted by responsible ladies holding a knife to the boy,” Mr Glustein said.The assaults were serious despite the pair’s lawyers describing them as “mid-range” in severity, Mr Glustein said.

Links

Biden’s Daughter

Too Casual for Friday

Stabbed over a game

Knife to a 4 year old

Popularity: 20% [?]