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Meet Albert Parker, 40, who has a history of domestic violence. He was charged with attempted murder after allegedly stabbing his girlfriend with a branch cutter.

Parker’s live-in girlfriend was found covered in blood after the police had to force their way into the home. She staggered out of their apartment with cuts on the face, neck, and both forearms. She was transported to the hospital and is in stable condition.

True Blood, Soft Cotton

Self Magazine’s July cover will feature Anna Paquin, 26, showing off her sexy figure. She is going to be rocking a sweet blue and white bikini, trying to draw the fangs out of most guys. Paquin is known for her role as Sookie Stackhouse in HBO’s True Blood. Her bigger roles included the movies The Piano and the X-Men Trilogy.

Bag Of Lays For A BJ?

Meet Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, who pleaded no contest to prostitution charges. She was arrested back in February for agreeing to having sex with a man for a box of chips.

Smith was noticed by cops when she started flashing her headlights trying to “catch a date.” She landed a winner, a man who was employed by Frito-Lays and was looking for company but didn’t have any money. They worked out a trade for a $30 case of chips.

When the cops caught up to Smith, she had her top open and the man was hitching up his pants. The man proceeded to tell police that he was having problems at home, so he decided to pick up a hooker. When police asked Smith if she had ever been arrested for prostitution, Smith told police “Yes. Two or three times.”

iPod Beatdown

Welcome to Queenstown, Maryland where a young woman was attacked by three individuals for the location of a secret iPod. The Queen Anne’s Sheriff’s Office says that Derak Seward, 23, Amanda Weaver, 21, and Jewell Bedwell, 21, all took part in the assault of Ivy Lockwood, 22.

Seward, being a wonderful man held a knife to Lockwood’s throat while Bedwell and Weaver dragged Lockwood across a gravel lot to a drainage ditch. From there the Wondertards continually held Lockwood’s head under water several times until she gave them the information they were after.

Never the less, Seward, Weaver and Bedwell are charged with attempted murder, assault, conspiracy and other offenses and are being held without bail.

Links:
I’d Bite Her
She was stabbed with a gardenng tool.
iPod Beatings

Popularity: unranked [?]

Squeegee FTW

Welcome to Boulder, Colorado, where a local Red Robin employee was washing the restaurant window’s on Friday, when another man attempted to rob him with a knife. The man called police around 7:10 p.m. and told them a man walked up behind him holding a knife to his back demanding his wallet.

Police Spokeswoman Sara Huntley said that the employee picked up his squeegee and told the would be robber, “You don’t have to do this. All I have is a little cash.” The robber was spooked when a women came out of a nearby hotel.

New Weed Hiding Spot

A police office was shocked on Monday, when they had to arrest a man for making threatening statements to officers. Originally, they were called out due to a disturbance. The man was in possession on some Xanax pills, but decided that it was better to hide the bag of weed in the patrol unit under the backseat.

Police confirmed that the Patrol car doesn’t have a spot to hide your weed.

iPod Crusade

Microsoft has decided to take their war with the Apple to a whole new level. Microsoft has started to make strategic moves with a new ad campaign targeting the billions that Apple has made with people paying to fill their iPods. They plan to use the $15 Zune Pass music rental program.

Wes Moss will host the $15 Zune Pass program. Microsoft claims that users can enjoy more music on the $15.00 a month program and save thousands of dollars. It would take $30,000 to fill up a 120GB iPod, which is a good point in a tough economic state, but fails to disclose how long the “rentals” would last.

Microsoft is planning to have a flurry of Twitter buzz about a Zune-like product to be released in June. Microsoft has codenamed the project “Pink.” Microsfot originally denied the rumors, but their own twitter page tells a different story. It’s asks people to hold off buying a new iPhone for a new product to launch in June.

The product is believed to be the Zune HD, but knowing Microsoft it will be something that is wonky, designed awkwardly, and restrictive to use. Microsoft’s Marketing team needs to come up with new “attacks” on Apple, because they do a bad job in selling the good points of any of their products.

Ford Flexes Some Muscle

Ford Motor Company is trying to rebuild its wealth to stay off U.S. aid. Ford announced that it will issue 300 million shares of common stock in a public offering. It even said that it will use some of the money for a Union-run medical trust.

According to Bloomberg data, the new shares will price today. Ford has 2.8 billion shares outstanding as of May 1st, so the new stock would be an increase of 11 percent and raise $1.8 billion based on Monday’s closing price. The registration of the new stock is the first time that Ford has offered common shares directly to the public.

Chief Executive Officer Alan Mulally is taking advantage of shares that have more than tripled since March 4, when the second-biggest U.S. automaker announced a plan that pared debt by $9.9 billion. General Motors Corp. has lost 35 percent of its market value in that time.

“We continue to make strong progress on our transformation plan,” Mulally said in a statement yesterday. The offering is “another example of the fast, decisive action we are taking.”

Links:

Squeegee Supreme
You Don’t Hide Your Weed In There
iPod Crusaide
Ford Rebounds

Popularity: 50% [?]

Sorry for the delays in posting. I was overwhelmed with this weekend, but enough of that. This last weekend was a Japanese Culture Festival in Phoenix, which apparently meant that we needed a CosPlay display.  I will be uploading some of the photos that I took over the weekend.  There just seems to be something odd of a 6ft. cat wandering around a crowd of people…

Today’s stories were a tough batch to choose from, since there has been a lot of stabbing and maiming. As always, there are links at the bottom to the full articles. Also, if you want to you can leave a comment on this article. Happy Fat Tuesday!

Her Hair is Smoking

An Evansville woman decided that the easiest way to get rid of her lice was to wash her hair out with gasoline. A fire crew was called to the scene after the gas fumes were ignited by a water heater. She was taken to a local hospital and has suffered minor injuries. I can’t wait to see who she sues to buy her a replacement wig, while her hair grows back out…

Now You’re a Man

Adam Wilson of the ripe age of 16 was charged with assault and possession of marijuana after his arrest on Friday. His father took a 30 pack of Budweiser away from the kid sometime earlier in the week. For actually caring, his son rewarded him with a stab to the neck with a penknife. When the son asked the father to pay him for the 30 pack, Thomas Wilson (aka Father) refused, that is when the kid struck and then fled from the home.

Take Off the Hat or I’ll Stab You

A 58 year old father and 19 year old son got into an argument Sunday when the son refused to take his hat off while in church. The father upset, walked out to the car and grabbed his knife. He decided to prove that the lord works in mysterious ways, by stabbing the kid in the left butt check and then fleeing the scene. The son was taking to the hospital for treatment.

Damn that’s some Hot Stuff in that Trunk

Cincinnati Police have decided that they will try to use 1990’s terms to help people. Their new campaign for auto theft education starts tomorrow and the winning slogan is, “Lock it or lose it, put your junk in the trunk!”

Lt. Mark Biede of the Cincinnati Police department said, “Could be cd’s, ipods, briefcase, suction cup left on windshield, cell phone, when breaking into cars, if they got the charger they look for what goes with it also.”

This new campaign will look to include bait cars with cameras, educational e-mails, and more cops walking the beat and/or working undercover.
Now that is a horrible car robber, if he breaks into a car to steal a suction cup. They should just turn themselves in at that point.

Robber: “Finally, I was tired of all those iPods. Now I can finally hang my Garfield up in the back window again.”

Links to the stories:
My Hair is like Wooh
Responsible dad stabbed by son
Hat-stabber
Bastards stole my suction cup

Popularity: unranked [?]