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Welcome to St. Louis, where witnesses witnesses two men throw another man off the Poplar Street Bridge on Saturday Night. The victim was found 3 miles down the Mississippi River 10 minutes later.

The unidentified 28 year old man told police that he had been out drinking with two men earlier in the day, but as they drive across the bridge the other men stopped the car and tossed him over the side like a dead body wrapped in a carpet.

The man went to the hospital with minor injuries, but should be okay. The best part of the story is that the victim had passed out before being thrown into the river by his friends that he doesn’t know their names.

Michael Jackson Torches Bar, Like Fireworks Did His Hair.

The Bootleggers Bar employee was told by Amanda Jarvis that their was a fire in the women’s restroom on Sunday morning. He went into the bathroom and proceeded to put out the fire, which was started in the trash can of the restroom. Intelligently, he went to the surveillance camera footage and saw Jarvis walk into the restroom twice and then left the bar.

Detective Sgt. Mark Carpentiere of the Lorain Police department was called to the scene after getting the phone call from the bartender. The bartender was able to track down Jarvis at another bar a short time later in the morning.

Carpentiere asked the heavily intoxicated woman if she knew why he was called to the bar, Jarvis replied with, “because I started a fire in the bathroom.” Police probed further to find out why she would have started the fire and got an awkward answer.

Jarvis said, “I felt stressed because my apartment had recently caught on fire, and because of the death of Michael Jackson.”

Topless Public Pools Now In Sweden

The city of Malmö has voted to legalize topless bathing at public swimming pools. Malmö is the third largest city in Sweden, but the decision was due to a feminist group who started appearing at the public pools topless after a motion to make the women “cover up.” The amended version states that “everybody should wear bathing suits,” which would allow woman to to go topless as long as they wore a bottom part.

A council spokesman told The Local that “We don’t define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn’t make much sense to do it for women. And besides, it’s not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women’s breasts.”

Playboy Bunnies Fading Away

The University of Central Florida is trying to work on saving an endangered species of bunnies that were named after Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

Rosanna Tursi is using genetics to help in the conservation of the bunnies. The sylvilagus palustris hefneri were declared endangered in 1990. The hefneri is the most recently recognized subspecies of the marsh rabbit and were discovered in 1984.

Tursi and some colleagues from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service were awarded a grant to study the bunnies. She believes that the ability of a species to adapt to new conditions depends on genetic information present in natural populations. So the more genetic diversity in a species, the greater their rate of survival.

Tursi said, “The loss of genetic diversity can have long-term repercussions by affecting the evolutionary potential of the species. Nature and conservation of wildlife have always been my passion, and I wanted to use my molecular and genetic knowledge to help endangered species.”

Links:
Friends, Who Needs Enemies
King of Pop Started It
Sweden Just Rules
The End of Playboy Bunnies

Popularity: unranked [?]

He’s the Firestarter, Twisted Firestarter

Let’s meet Mark Panko, 48, of Cincinnati, Ohio. He was charged with domestic violence and aggravated arson, due to the fact he shoved his wife and set their home on fire Thursday night.

Firefighters are saying that he lost his cool, because his wife and 4 year old son left him. The fire destroyed the couples house and put the firefighters life at risk. Firefighters believed that Panko was still inside the house and conduced several searches, until they were 100% certain that he was not inside the home.

“One possible theory based on their domestic history is that his setting the fire was revenge,” Springfield Township Fire Chief Rob Leininger said

Panko was arrested in 2003 and was accused of grabbing and pushing his wife around when she told him that she wanted a divorce. A grand jury declined to deliver any charges against him.

Darwinist Heeds the Fall

A 39 year old Polish man tumbled to his death on Sunday in Seaton, Devon. The man was posing for a photographer, as if he was saved from falling off the cliff by a tuft of grass.

The Coastguard was called into the scene for rescue efforts, only to have paramedics declare the mad dead at the scene.

Maddy Davey, Portland Coast Guard watch manager, said: “The 39-year-old Polish man was posing for a photograph whilst holding on to a tuft of grass at the top of the cliffs. The grass gave way and he was seen by some tourists on the scene to fall down the sheer face of the cliffs and land in bushes at the bottom. It was the middle of the day. All the tourists were there, people along the cliff path, who witnessed it.”

She Wants Your Teens…Sex

Now introducing Jacquelynn Faye Fielding, 29, from Marysville, California. She is facing up to 4 years in prison, after being convicted for having sex with a 14 year old Redding, California boy. She was also convicted of annoying or molesting a child and furnishing alcohol to a minor, which are both misdemeanor charges.

Fielding met the boy at a go-kart racing event in Red Bluff and Chico, California. They then developed a friendship using Myspace to communicate. According to Deputy District Attorney Michael Hemker, many of the communications between the 2 revolved around sex.

Hemker also went on to say that after months of conversations, they came up with a plan to meet at a friends house where the family was away for Christmas. This is where she provided alcohol and had sex with the young man. The prosecution was able to copies of the sexual conversations from MySpace, which helped to secure the convictions.

Bizarre Love Triangle

We end our little adventure in Chandler, Arizona. Students of El Dorado High School received terrible news that one of their fellow students was fatally stabbed last week.

Samuel Valdivia, 18, was purportedly stabbed due to being in a love triangle involving one of his teachers. Students of El Dorado spent Monday morning writing down what they would miss about Valdivia.

The man accused with stabbing Valdivia, is Sixto Balbuena, 20, from Tempe, Az. The incident occurred early Friday morning in the house rented by El Dorado High School teacher Tamara Hoffman, 48.

Hoffman has been romantically involved with the former student Balbueno and Valdivia, according to Chandler Police. She has since been suspended by the high school, pending an investigation.

El Dorado High School Principal Ramona Gonzales said, “He was a very well-liked young man, It’s a big loss for us. (Staff and students) are very saddened and devastated.”

Links
Wicked Firestarter

Darwin Nominee

She Likes them Young

Bizarre Love Triangle Stabbing

Popularity: 100% [?]

By now most people have heard of the American Girl who saved a 16 year old british boys life, due to messages sent via Facebook.The young hero actually talked to her mother about what was going on and they called the White House and the British Embassy. If the reporting of plane crashes and earthquakes aren’t a good enough reason, this seals the fact that social media’s impact peoples lives greatly.

The British Have It Best

Brewers that “represent the best of British Beers,” have called for a National Beer Day. Over 200 MP’s have backed the campaigned labeled, “Save the great British Pub.”

Bob Russel called for a motion on the government to adopt a five point plan to save the British pub. He states that the traditional pubs are being outpriced by supermarkets, without the restrictions required by licensees of pubs.

Russel states that five pubs are day are closing down in the UK everyday. Beer sales are at their lowest level for nearly 40 years. He even said that the planned tax increases, “will place traditional public houses at even greater risk of closing down”.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

The Wisconsin state capital building in Madison was forced to evacuate as a precaution, due to a stolen plane flying through that section of the state.

Federal and Military officials said that the stolen plane was Cessna 172, was taken at the Thunder Bay Airport, Ontario. It was forced to land after being trailed by 2 fighter jets. The plane landed on a section of U.S. highway 60. The pilot fled on foot after landing the Cessna, but was taken into custody after a short time.

The pilot refused communication with authorities through the entire flight. The pilot was a student at the Confederated College Flight School at Thunder Bay International Airport. The plane was stolen around 2:30 p.m. from the school.

“We don’t know what the motive is. I wouldn’t want to speculate on that. We are treating this with the utmost seriousness,” said Mike Kucharek, spokesman for the North American Aerospace Defense Command in Colorado, while the flight was still under way.

The Curves of the World

Welcome to East High school located in Denver, Colorado. A geography class accidentally got a lesson in the geography of the human body.

A substitute teacher was looking to find a movie the class was supposed to be watching on Thursday, but found a pornographic film instead.

“A substitute teacher was having difficulty opening a computer presentation that was supposed to be shown to the class. While opening what was thought to be the correct file, a pornographic movie started to show on the screen of the computer. The movie was on the computer screen for just a few seconds,” Principal John Youngquist said in a letter sent to all parents.

The advanced placement class had a total of 23 students and a mix of freshmen and sophomores. Luckily, only 6 students saw the film, because the teacher had yet to turn on the overhead projector.

The Denver Public School District is investigating the incident. They are not sure what action will be taken after the review and wasn’t sure if the regular teacher was back to work on Friday.

Teens Unleashing the Phoenix from Axe Body Sprays

Staying in the great state of Colorado, we turn to Lakewood. Apparently, firefighters are disturbed by a rising trend of homemade flamethrowers.

“We’ve had a dozen young people charged with various arson crimes in the last month and all involved Axe Body Spray,” said Cindy Matthews of West Metro Fire.

The fire department has started asking parents and teachers to caution youngsters and ignore the 200+ videos on Youtube, showing the mini-flamethrowers being ignited.

“Nearly a dozen young people are facing a range of charges after using the popular teenage cologne to set things on fire, including themselves,” stated a news release from the fire department.

Axe has put out a video warning users to “use Axe responsibly.” They are hoping their video can detour kids from causing another incident like back in 2007. Two kids were playing with the body spray flamethrower, and one suffered 1st, 2nd, and 3rd degree burns on his body and face.

Links:

Stolen Plane

Human Geography

Flamethrower Body Spray

Popularity: unranked [?]

So this Week has been wonderful so far. All the major sites (minus Digg) have done something for April Fools Day. Youtube decided that it would celebrate by flipping everything upside down. Google created a fake auto-complete program for Gmail. Even Reddit got into the action by making their website look just like Digg. Maybe the best site was done by Switzerland, who decided that they would play off the Australia’s Dream Job.

Now onto today’s stories. Luckily, I get to share some stories that aren’t Florida bound. It was difficult, but Florida really tried to squeeze in again with a few attempts. As always the links to the full story are at the bottom.

Calling Shotgun on the Wheelchair

Welcome to the Good Samaritan Christensen Village located in beautiful British Columbia, Canada. This retirement facility is where a wheelchair using woman is believed to have shot a facility manager Ken Perrier, who was attempting to evict the woman in her 40′s who ended up being shot by local police. Both Perrier and the unidentified woman were airlifted to the local hospital on Tuesday night and are listed to be in serious condition.

“It appears that a 40-year old-resident, a woman, had shot one of the employees that was at her door,” Corporal Peter Thiessen told reporters at the scene late Tuesday night. “There were four employees that were at the door that were in the process of evicting her. She ends up shooting one of them, departing, going out the front door on foot with a long-barreled weapon.”

After shooting Perrier, the woman attempted to commandeer a vehicle and thats when the officers arrived on the scene. Officers told her not to get into the vehicle, but police shot her after she failed to respond to commands. “There were indications she may have been in possession of a second weapon,” Cpl. Thiessen said.Police did recover a handgun and a shotgun from the scene.

An Army of One

Lets meet Christopher Chavez, 19, in Boone County. This new Army recruit was just a few short hours away from reporting for boot camp, but ended up in handcuffs instead. A drunken crime spree was the way he wanted to start his new army career.

Chavez was staying at a Airport Holiday Inn in Erlanger with some fellow recruits as they prepared for flying out for basic training. Chavez purportedly got in a fight with some other people on the 5th floor of the Hotel around 2 am. Chavez decided that it would be a good idea to grab a fire extinguisher off the wall, which in turn set off the fire alarm.

He then took the fire extinguisher with him to a Mobile Gas Station with the idea to get some more alcohol. Unfortunately, the Mobile was closed he decided that he would break in to get some beer. Police arrived on the scene, where Chavez was unsuccessful at breaking into the Mobile station. He went on to spit and curse at police officers as they attempted to handcuff the wannabe soldier. Police placed a spit mask on the retarded army of one, after they placed the cuffs on him.

Chavez was charged with alcohol intoxication and criminal mischief and was placed in the Boone County Jail.

Law Director Doesn’t follow the Law

Law Director Mark Provenza resigned on Tuesday after being sent back to jail for violating his probation. Now the city of Lorain is searching for a replacement to fill the vacant position. Provenza had just been released from serving 90 days for DUI, when he was to get his blood monitoring ankle bracelet. Prior to getting the new leg accessory, Provenza admitted that he had been drinking beer.

Mayor Tony Krasienko says that Provenza stepped down after city officials went to speak to him. He went onto state that if Provenza didn’t resign, that they would have no choice, but to pursue actions to get him removed.

In 2004, Provenza spent 5 days in the Bay Village jail for DUI. He was also convicted of DUI for hitting a fire hydrant in Lakewood. He also pleaded down a Parma Heights DUI to reckless operation. Then not to be out done, he pleaded no contest last year to DUI charges in Lakewood again. This time he rammed his wife’s minivan into the front porch of a home on Bunts Road.

Follw me on Twitter

Links:
Shotgun Grannie – British Columbia

Soldiers spree before basic  – boone county

Law Director no Judge Dread

Popularity: unranked [?]

Louisiana was trying to help another company keep open the old Pilgrim Pride chicken processing plant. P.E.T.A. opted for a different solution. They tried to get the state to open a “Chicken Empathy Museum.” They wanted the museum to include a playground for kids, that would include cage-like  playscapes.

“I guess the whole thing would be a chicken wing, right?” said Ashley Byrne, campaign coordinator for PETA. “Actually, we did plan to serve faux chickens, vegetarian chickens made from healthy plant protein in the museum restaurant, along with an array of other tasty vegetarian food. As a gift from PETA, part of our proposal was that each visitor 12 years old and younger would have a plush chicken toy with a tag reading, ‘I am not a nugget,’ ” Ashley said.

60 Ft. Do It Yourself Dong

Andy and Clare McInnes thought that April Fools came early when a news company contacted them about a phallic design that graced their newly finished roof. They were delighted that the building crew had just finished with the flat roof on their £1million house.

Their son Rory, 18, decided that he would make his house stand out after watching a documentary on Google Earth. For over the next year only Rory knew of the stand out design, until a helicopter pilot spotted it and hovered over the house so passengers could take photos of it.

Andy said, “It’s an April Fool’s joke, right? There’s no way there’s a 60ft phallus on top of my house.”

When Andy pressed on the kids trying to figure out which made the design, Rory was in Brazil as part of a gap years travel, he could be heard saying, “Oh, you’ve found it then!” (laughing the entire time).

Skateboard Ramp + Dispute = Fire

Welcome to Orange City, Florida. Lewis Smith, 45, repeatedly asked neighborhood man to remove a skateboard ramp from the road near his home. Lewis, neighbors, and the man that build the ramps were found by Orange City Deputies arguing over the ramps.

Sheriff’s spokesman Gary Davidson said that Lewis was arrested and charged with criminal mischief on Sunday, because Lewis decided that the best way to resolve the ramp issue was to set them on fire. He was released from the Volusia County Branch Jail on his own recognizance.

Paying taxes on sex?

Meet Democratic Senator Bob Coffin from Las Vegas. He has proposed to have a new tax added onto prostitution. He states that the new tax would raise around $2 million a year for the state.

He wants the patrons of both legal and illegal prostitutes to pay an extra $5 per sessionunder the new bill he created. A lobbyist for the state’s legal brothels volunteered to be taxed, in an effort to guarantee their survival.

“I think we will support it,” George Flint, a spokesman for the state’s brothel industry, said of Coffin’s bill. In rural counties of Nevada there are eight major brothels and 17 smaller houses of prostitution, said Flint.

When Coffin was asked about how the state would collect the tax from the independent street walkers, he replied that when the business tax was first implemented, it wasn’t collected from all those required to pay it.

Popularity: 50% [?]