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Welcome to Dade City, Florida! Thursday evening, Genoveva Amacenda-Velona, was arrested for DUI and has created a possible new Drunk Driving category.

She's an innovator when it comes to DUI

She was caught with her own party station in the car. She had half a bottle of Cuervo and the sliced limes on the console, but no salt anywhere to be found. The other odd part of her setup was the two kids that were taken along for the ride. The kids aged 7 and 9 were wearing seatbelts, but that wouldn’t save them from the crazy that is their mother.

She was originally being pulled over because her passenger side headlight was out and it was 7:30 at night. The Deputy got another surprise when he got to the window. Amacenda-Velona’s blood alcohol level was 0.233, which is freaking three times the legal limit. Since Amacenda-Velona doesn’t speak English, she told police through an interpreter that she only had 3 or 4 beers at a friend’s house.

Amacenda-Velona, 30, is being charged with Child Neglect, DUI, No Registration, and of course not having a Valid Driver’s License. She was also nominated to be the first ever recipient of the Driving Under Mixed Alcohol Stupidity award, also known as a DUMAS Award. It is pronounced Dumb Ass…

This Mother is a Dumbass

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Welcome to Provincetown, Louisiana. I know you are wondering why we stopped in this little city of the United States. Well thanks to Wonder-Tard Christopher McEnaney, 18, decided to top all the list of people arrested in the districts 14 arrest night.

McEnaney decided that it was a smart idea to punch Fred with cops nearby. Actually, Fred is the horse that a police officer was riding at the time when McEnaney struck it in Fred’s flank. The horse not surprisingly wasn’t injured and wonder-tard was arrested.

McEnaney was charged with assault on a police horse and resisting arrest. McEnaney is scheduled to be arraigned in Orleans District Court tomorrow.

Shut Her Up With A Slice of Pizza

As the stories from Iowa trickle across the news wires, we decided to go back there again after yesterday’s bare assed story.

Des Moines, Iowa the scene which is now the home of probably the first case of assault with Digiorno. The perpitard Ron Reliford, 36, was upset with Deneen Kilby, 42, then decided to act on that aggression. When police arrived on the scene Reliford was sitting in a car outside of their apartment.

Kilby had redness around her neck and carpet burn on one knee according to police. She managed to escape the attack and called the police from apartment managers phone.

Reliford then told police, “It only takes two minutes to choke a bitch.”
He dug his hole deeper, when police revealed, “Reliford said he used some pizza to smash into her face.”

He is being held without bond in the Polk County Jail and was charged with domestic assault causing injury.

Stick It In Your Tail Pipe!

Welcome to the great state of Indiana, where a Lawrence Township school board member has been terminated as a reserve police officer.

Meet Adam Goldstein, 39, an unpaid officer in training with the Fortville reserve police officer was driving in a squad car, wearing his full dress uniform, and drunk at the time. He was charged with public intoxication at the Geist Marina on Sunday morning, which was later changed to drunk driving.

Goldstein and the Mrs. Goldstein were out boating at a local reservoir and was cited by the Indiana Department of Natural Resources for failing to have working navigational lights. Apparently, Judge Dread (Goldstein) decided to go home, put on his uniform and gun, then drive to the Fortville Police station to pick up a squad car. Amazingly no one was at the station at this time.

Goldstein then proceeds to drive back to the marina and confront the officer who gave him a citation. Of course Goldstein got out of hand and was arrested, but Goldstein failed a breathalyzer so he was charged with drunk driving.

Links:
Mr. Ed’s Pissed!
Return To Iowa
Well F You Buddy!

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Terrible Roadski Accident

A secretary was increasing her employer’s productivity, when a freak accident took place. The employer was receiving an oral demonstration from his employee when a van that was in the process of backing up hit the couple in their parked car. The impact of the crash caused the 30 year old woman to bite off the man’s penis.

The accident occurred in a Singapore park, where the couple would meet after work. Even better, the woman’s husband had hired an private investigator to keeps tabs on her. The investigator actually called the ambulance after hearing the woman scream and noticed that her face was covered in blood.

He told local media reporters, “On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently. After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood.”

Television Characters Freak Out

Police were called to the Welcome Holiday Park in Dawlish, Devon after a massive fight broke out during a fancy dress party. Ten people were held after the clash occurred in the main club. An Oompa-Loompa, Spiderman, and Tinky Winky were kept in police cells over night. The police questioned the 3 on suspicion of violent disorder.

A staff member told the press, “It was rather comical in some ways because of the fancy dress costumes people were wearing. You don’t expect to see Teletubbie Tinky Winky and Spiderman in the middle of things like this.”

He Fought The Law – FAIL

Welcome to Naples, Florida, where Graham Brunson, 21, was asked to leave a local bar and took things a little too far. Brunson thought that the best way to get back was to whip his penis out and pee right there at the bar. Unfortunately for Brunson, his brain stopped working when he decided to run from the police.

Police say that Brunson was causing a disturbance, yelling obscenities, and disturbing customers at the bar. Security asked him to leave, that’s when his revenge plan went into effect.

Four police officers found Brunson hiding in bushed about a quarter mile from the bar. He tried to run again, but was tackled by Office Ian Rudnick. Brunson attempted to fight the officer, but Brunson’s mugshot shows who really won the struggle.

After police were able to get Brunson into handcuffs he went limp and had to be carried int

o the squad car. While on the way to the hospital, Brunson was still resistant enough to spit blood on the EMT. Brunson was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting an officer with violence, and disorderly intoxication.

Links

Roadski No No
TV Icons
Criminal Bash

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Friday starts out with bad news for the makers of the Lidocaine topical spray. Turns out the spray was intended to help slow down orgasms, but it has one really bad side effect. The spray ends up giving a rash on the men’s penis and women get a burning sensation inside the vagina. They should turn the spray from a sex aide to a sex prevention tool.

She Can’t Run From Her DUI

A young couple was out for a night of drinking, thought that they could drive home and outsmart the police. A 22 year old Auckland woman was arrested for making a false complaint and attempting to drive with excess breath alcohol.

According to North Shore commander inspector Les Paterson said that the couple told them they were going to walk to a taxi stand after being told by police not to drive home. Instead they dialed 111 and reported a false incident of masked men with guns robbing a service station. The pair denied making the call, so the police communication center redialed the number that called the 111. The phone that the woman was holding started to ring, much to her embarrassment.

“They had the brief pleasure of watching a bunch of police cars whiz past, they then jumped in their car intending to drive off in the opposite direction but a police officer took a detour on a ‘hunch’ and located them.”

Teacher Earns a DUI

Welcome to Newburyport, MA,  where a driving instructor was intoxicated while giving someone a driving lesson.  The instructor will get to stay out of jail, but gets to lose his license for a year. He was also put on probation for the next 18 months.

Daniel Winsky, 53, of Salem was convicted Thursday of operating under the influence, while he was in the passenger seat of the car giving a lesson to a student.  He was not behind the wheel of the vehicle during the December 2007 incident, but was in control of the brakes of the specially designed vehicle.

Police pulled over Winsky, after a convience store clerk called the police. The clerk apperantly smelled alcohol on his breathe and watched him climb into the auto schools car.

Oops: 2 Dead by Gun Shots at Anti-Gun Rally

We travel across the pond to London, England. Shakah Anderson, 28, is accused of shooting 2 men during an anti-gun rally at the Tudor Rose night club. The murders happened back in December 2002 and one of the victims Mohamed Korneh had been for a shooting in the same area early. The other victim was Selorn Gbesenete, 21, was attending Unarmed 2, an event dedicated to stopping gun crime among young black people.

Anderson, Korneh, and Anderson’s accomplice were all carrying firearms according to the police. Anderson had been shot earlier in 2002 and Wayne Freckleton (Anderson’s alleged accomplice) was killed in a shooting after the anti-gun rally. Anderson, of course denies the murders.

Hot Tub Filter Doesn’t Removed Naked Man

Tony Punelli of Des Moines, IA, found a surprise in his hot tub early Friday morning. Police were called to remove a naked and unresponsive man from his hot tub just after 7 a.m. in Southeast Thornton.

Police extracted Ryan Hutton, 24, from Indianola from the jacuzzi. They confirmed that the man was intoxicated, but doing fine. Hutton told police that he had been drinking in West Des Moines and had no idea how he got into the hot tub, but thought he was in a known location. Hutton was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing.

“Pretty hard way to wake up – some stranger in your hot tub. I don’t know how he got in here. It’s pretty hard to get over that fence without a ladder. I thought I was dreaming, but I’m happy the man didn’t drown”, said Punelli.

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Links
Bomb Threat fail

Teachers Report Card…DUI

Murder at Anti-Gun Rally

Naked Hot Tub

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Possible Darwin Award Winner

Welcome to the Lovely Northern Territory of Australia. Early yesterday morning, a 20 year old man and a friend had been drinking when they decided to swim across crocodile infested waters to get more alcohol.

Northern Territory police have found his remains near the Daly River Community, about 150 Kilometers south of Darwin. Police had set up an exclusion zone on the river as part of their search for the young man.

The Daly Superintendent Jamie Chalker said, “It’s apparent that family members have seen the head of a crocodile making its way towards the man who’s now missing, plus the other person he was crossing the river with. As we now know, one made it and one didn’t.”

She Eight and Already Wed

We go back to Saudi Arabia. Back in Feb. I posted an article about a father in Saudi Arabia that traded his 8 year old daughter to pay off his outstanding debts. Click here for the original article.

Today a Saudi Arabian judge has refused to overturn a ruling that allowed the arranged marriage between the 8 year old girl and her soon to be 47 year old husband.

Judge Sheikh Habib Habib, ruled for the second time in Onaiza that the girl’s marriage to the older man was legal and binding. He did state that the child wife would be able to file for divorce, once she reached puberty.

Hair Today, Nipple-less Tomorrow

Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center had started to make public a list of patient-protection measures to ensure safety, due to a botched plastic surgery last year. These corrective actions are in response to a Department of Public Health investigation report.

The report indicated that the hospital failed Michael Hick, 40, last summer. Dr. Loren J Borud, was impaired and operated in Hicks and then sent him home without proper care. Hicks went in for a chest reduction and liposuction which has left him with scarring, pain, mental anguish, and caused him to lose his left nipple.

At the time of the surgery, hospital administration was aware that Borud had twice undergone substance-abuse treatment. Borud has since been fired and Hicks has agreed to a settlement.

“We recognize that our previous process did not result in timely reporting up the internal chain of command, and are confident the corrective actions we have taken will prevent that from happening again and greatly improve our entire process going forward,” Patricia Folcarelli, director of patient safety, said in a statement.

Hicks’ case was the subject of an expose in the Sunday Herald. Hicks’ lawyer said that he believes that the Herald’s inquiries helped prompt the DPH’s about face.

World Record Get a Tree

Lets met Otok Ben-Hvar, 71, decided that he was going to set a world record for the longest time spent in a phone booth. He climbed inside a 1940′s era phone booth with wheels attached to it. He equipped the phone booth with everything he needs to live inside of it. He even went as far as having an old college buddy fashion it with a makeshift air-conditioning unit.

Ben-Hvar thinks that winning a World record will have 2 effects. The first would be for coursework at Pasco-Hernando Community College. The second is to get America’s First National Tree planted on the White House lawn. He wants to see a silver leafed Maple tree planted in the front lawn.

“Every American can identify with that tree,” he says. “That’s why it belongs there.”

Links:
Crocodile Darwin Nominee

She’s Married only 8

Telephone Booth Living, Plant a tree

Its all fun till you loose a nipple

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